Fix Your Accent

Only in LA would you find a sign offering accent services. Yes, if your accent isn't up to snuff, these guys will fix it for you. I love it. No "perfect your American accent" or "sound like a local in 2 weeks". Just a rude "fix your accent". It's not even aimed at actors, just the public at large. As if anyone stupid enough to read the sign must be in need of help. Your accent sucks and needs fixing. Nice.

Last time I checked, my accent was in good shape and needed no repairs. They should focus on the people I have to deal with every time I call the cable company/gas company/phone company, cos I can't understand half of what they're saying. And it really doesn't matter if the call center is in India or Indiana.

To be fair, being a British South African living in America has taken its toll on me. I say things like "paaass me the waa-duh". I'm neither English nor South African. And I'm hardly American, either. I'm just one big fake accent that becomes whatever it needs to be for the occasion: Russian mobster, home grown terrorist or snooty British talent show judge (I mean, do I really look anything like Simon Cowell?)

Maybe my accent does need fixing after all. I should call these guys. Question is, what exactly happens in a "fix" and how long does it take? Is it like fixing a sandwich or more like fixing your hair? How long does a fix last and is there a 90 day warranty? (I fixed my car and it still isn't fixed!) Is this a one-size-fixes-all kinda fix? And if I am going to pay to fix something that isn't broken in the first place, the least they can offer is a fix with all the fixings!

I like my stuffing and gravy...