Friday, June 20, 2008

The Boy and the Creep

I was in a coffee shop yesterday and was privy to the following conversation between a creepy fat guy (Creepy Guy) and a skinny young man (Boy). I felt compelled to type it down as fast as I could. Here's just a taste.

I will preface it by saying 2 things only:

1) every word is true.
2) I am not the creep.

CREEPY GUY: Okay. What do you prefer? Drama or comedy?

BOY: Drama.

CREEPY GUY: Okay, good, good. Now what genres do you like?

BOY: Uh...

CREEPY GUY: You know, like action, adventure. What are your top three genres. Take a moment and think about it.
[The Boy takes a moment]

BOY: I like action...

CREEPY GUY: Okay! And horror? You like horror?

BOY: Yeah...

CREEPY GUY: Because a lot of guys start out in horror movies. If we can get you in one of those, you know?

[Creepy scribbles something on his pad, then looks up again]

CREEPY GUY: Do you see yourself as the leading man or more as the supporting character? The sidekick?

BOY: The leading man. I did this FOX promo, where I was the leading man, so I know I can play it. I mean I was like an extra, but they said I could do something more. I was featured playing guitar.

CREEPY GUY: Good, good. Now are you SAG or not?

BOY: No, I’m not. But with the commercial, maybe...

CREEPY GUY: Well let’s check that out. Cos I repped this girl and she got bumped up to a featured role and she got SAG, so you never know. Line producer, second AD, they’re the ones you wanna know. I’m not saying be an asshole. Just be charming. You know Jason? He’s the one with the short hair?

BOY: Oh yeah...

CREEPY GUY: He played a featured role on Samantha Who. He was, uh, he was the groom’s brother. He had to join Central Casting. Once he did that, they called him to be on this WB show. I’ll tell you, you have that fire...

BOY: Hahaha...

CREEPY GUY: No really. Like Jason? He has this game face. But you got the fire. Are you taking acting lessons? You should buy this book, by Jeremiah Covey. It’s called “The Art of Screen Acting”. And you’ve heard of Stanislavski, obviously. He wrote a book, but it’s not that good. Mark Haber wrote a book. Jason went to an audition and they really responded to him. Just from what he learned in that book. This woman I know, she was working in a diner with pineapple earrings and she woke up one day and said “what the hell am I doing here?” And she went to Groundlings and now she’s one of THE biggest voice artists, period. You know Principle Skinner on the Simpsons?

BOY: Yeah...

CREEPY GUY: Well she was the woman, you know the woman. His Mom? Well the woman who goes “Skinner!” That’s her. Every cartoon you hear? That’s her.


Only in Hollywood...


  1. Okay. Look. I believe that you should know about the kind of situations that you get people in to, buddy. (lol!)

    Know how you told me to put on my kevlar love vest and just go for it? Well, guess what? I did.

    Last night. I sent him a well-crafted email (I know, I know. Not romantic. But see, we're both in the computer industry. Does that make it a little better?) that was not so much a love letter as it was me just telling him... ok look, I like you. And I know you probably don't feel the same way. Which is fine. I just thought you'd like to know that a girl feels this way about you.

    So, yeah. I did it. And I thought you should know, since you were the one that goaded me into doing it in the first place. :P He hasn't written back yet. Which makes me kind of nervous, since I know he was online when I sent it. Hmm.

    Oh and PS: this entry succeeded in cracking me up. (<= obligatory comment so this post seems less self-centered? Maybe. But it's still true!)

  2. Mu-wah... the sound you make while hurling or that evil, insane, take over the world laugh. Definitely go for the welder spot. Maybe combine two and show in diapers.... sorry!! over active imagination, must be having a flashback to Ninja Warrior. :p

  3. Oh lord.

    Creepy Guy's brother lives in Nashville--and I'll bet he's even fatter. I've seen him in every restaurant in town.

    "You've got the sound, I tell ya... Now about my managerial fee..."