I was in a coffee shop yesterday and was privy to the following conversation between a creepy fat guy (Creepy Guy) and a skinny young man (Boy). I felt compelled to type it down as fast as I could. Here's just a taste.
I will preface it by saying 2 things only:
1) every word is true.
2) I am not the creep.
CREEPY GUY: Okay. What do you prefer? Drama or comedy?
CREEPY GUY: Okay, good, good. Now what genres do you like?
CREEPY GUY: You know, like action, adventure. What are your top three genres. Take a moment and think about it.
[The Boy takes a moment]
BOY: I like action...
CREEPY GUY: Okay! And horror? You like horror?
CREEPY GUY: Because a lot of guys start out in horror movies. If we can get you in one of those, you know?
[Creepy scribbles something on his pad, then looks up again]
CREEPY GUY: Do you see yourself as the leading man or more as the supporting character? The sidekick?
BOY: The leading man. I did this FOX promo, where I was the leading man, so I know I can play it. I mean I was like an extra, but they said I could do something more. I was featured playing guitar.
CREEPY GUY: Good, good. Now are you SAG or not?
BOY: No, I’m not. But with the commercial, maybe...
CREEPY GUY: Well let’s check that out. Cos I repped this girl and she got bumped up to a featured role and she got SAG, so you never know. Line producer, second AD, they’re the ones you wanna know. I’m not saying be an asshole. Just be charming. You know Jason? He’s the one with the short hair?
BOY: Oh yeah...
CREEPY GUY: He played a featured role on Samantha Who. He was, uh, he was the groom’s brother. He had to join Central Casting. Once he did that, they called him to be on this WB show. I’ll tell you, you have that fire...
CREEPY GUY: No really. Like Jason? He has this game face. But you got the fire. Are you taking acting lessons? You should buy this book, by Jeremiah Covey. It’s called “The Art of Screen Acting”. And you’ve heard of Stanislavski, obviously. He wrote a book, but it’s not that good. Mark Haber wrote a book. Jason went to an audition and they really responded to him. Just from what he learned in that book. This woman I know, she was working in a diner with pineapple earrings and she woke up one day and said “what the hell am I doing here?” And she went to Groundlings and now she’s one of THE biggest voice artists, period. You know Principle Skinner on the Simpsons?
CREEPY GUY: Well she was the woman, you know the woman. His Mom? Well the woman who goes “Skinner!” That’s her. Every cartoon you hear? That’s her.
Only in Hollywood...