Sniff

I'm continually impressed by the advancements in security. Ah yes, gone are the days when you could lift an orange from your local fruit stand and vanish into the crowd. Nowadays satellite images can zoom in to the face of a coin. Why? Because they can. There's no escape. Unless of course you're 6 foot 6 and America's most wanted. Then, you can...well, lift an orange and vanish into the crowd. But mischievous quarters and devious dimes beware! We're onto you.

The latest addition to goverments' arsenals? Counterfeit DVD sniffer dogs. Yes, you may need to re-read that phrase to make sense of it, but it doesn't make these talented hounds less effective. Two highly skilled labradors, Lucky and Flo, travelled to the US recently to display their sniffing abilities. Like you, I was dumbfounded at how a dog might smell a sliver of plastic through one's airport luggage. Let alone how the heck it can differentiate between a DVD I buy in a store and one I've burned on my computer. Now THAT'S talent. These dogs should have their own show.

It seems that Lucky and Flo can indeed sniff out a pirated DVD and identify it to their handler. Though probably not down to the bonus features. (I'm told they can only identify titles and lead actors) Incredibly, they can also sniff out legally purchased DVDs. They just can't tell the difference. Which kinda makes the whole exercise fairly pointless. They'll be pulling everyone over! I always carry (legal) DVDs on trips, to play during my journey. That means I'll be pulled to one side and searched. Again. That's just great. And what of the other multitude of DVD carriers? I mean, you have DVD stores prominently placed in airports. People buy them. And what about people who have CDs? Can they possibly smell any different? Now all these folks will inadvertantly add an anal probe to their pre-flight checklist. Sweet. That's like having a drive-thru bar 50 feet before a DUI roadblock!

There are two clear options open to Joe and Janet Shmo. Either you leave the DVDs on the shelf, or you pack as many discs on your person as humanly possible. That's my choice. If I'm gonna get sniffed-up, I'm gonna get my tax-paying monies worth. Personally, I can't wait for my next plane trip. Hey- it's been a while. I'm gonna shove the Frasier box set down my pants. Just to be sure.

Oh, yeah. One more thing. I want Flo, please. Not lucky. FLO. Got it? We all remember what happened last time...