In the festive spirit, I give you this

Ten Things the LA Actor Doesn't Have to Struggle With

(not yet, anyway)

1) You can't cross Hollywood and Highland without a SAG card.
2) Sign-in sheets ask for your Church of Scientology number.
3) Random checks and fines for real teeth, hair or wrinkles.
4) All reads must mimic the casting director.
5) The use of make-up is prohibited for no-name actors.
6) Street parking is only for cars made after the year 2000.
7) 2 years mandatory service playing Spiderman on the Walk of Fame.
8) 2 years mandatory service mopping floors at fast-food Wok of Fame.
9) All acting coaches broadcast raw unedited footage on national television.
10) You're the Universal tour guide pointing out the studio you once owned.

Here's to a fabulous, festive, sickeningly over-indulgent festive season, and may 2006 bring you everything you deserve and everything that's coming to you!