The Horror

Following on from my recent Russian pimp audition, it seems only fair to fill you in (whoever you are - cos I haven't a clue, but thanks for tuning in) on my latest. I had a call with the joyful news - "you have an audition". But not any audition, it turns out. Here follows the conversation:

"You have an audition"
"Great!"
"It's this Saturday"
"u-huh"
"It's a low budget horror film, so it's not paying much"
"okay.."
"You'll be reading for the role of the zombie"
(BEAT)
"yeah...?"
"For the audition they want you to tapdance - can you tapdance?"
"Uh-no. If I could, that'd be under my 'special skills'"
"Okay, well they want you to do a little tap dance ala Young Frankenstein"
"right..."
"Now there aren't any sides, so what they want after the dance is a zombie groan"
(GIDEON GROAN)
"I really don't think this project interests me, thanks"
"But it's a substantial role"
"Yes, but I'm a zombie, I don't have a any lines, I'll be in thick make-up and no-one will even see me"
"Well, if you're certain... I'll tell them you're unavailable"

Oh- and apparently I did get the pimp gig, although there are no dates yet. Sure beats working in an office, huh?