Suppressing the Urge

How does one suppress the urge to kill? Most of us take a deep breath. Try to think of something else for a moment. But what if you can't? What if the very thing that's driving that urge is a high pitched tone that starts and stops every 30 seconds? What if you can't do anything about that tone because it's so disturbingly high pitched that you cannot identify the source - and thus cannot shut it off?

What if your ears are extra sensitive through lack of sleep? What if you've been woken up every night between midnight and 5am for the past 5 nights, because your crazy neighbor decides to his "spring cleaning" at that hour?

What if your anger from the high pitched wine and lack of sleep is exacerbated by the quote from your mechanic who informs you that you need $1200 of repairs on your transmission? And what if you spent $500 on a new alternator only a week earlier?

Is it wrong to kill if the opportunity presents itself?

Is it?

What if....?

I'll Have the Baby Back Ribs with a Side of Beethoven

We're well into the new year and I figured I should post a blog. At least something. Haven't thought of anything remotely interesting to write about, but to be fair, that hasn't stopped me before. And dammit, it won't stop me now!

New Year's was pretty low-key. I managed to see it in, despite my better wishes. My aim was to get blotto, but, seeing as I was driving, blotto was put on hold. Better. My snowboarder-wannabe ribs are bruised but not broken. But I have a new ailment to add to the list - tinnitus. After parking my car in a garage yesterday, a truck drove by and set off another car's alarm. It went off about 10 feet away at such a shrill pitch, that by the time I got home my one ear was ringing. As if I'd been to a concert. Just the left ear, mind you. As if I'd spent the entire concert less concerned with the band, and more interested in the person sitting to my right. Or perhaps I had to delicately sit on my right bum cheek, as the left was too bruised from a recent snowboarding trip. (Not that I'd know anything about that)

Anyway, my rib continues to make its presense felt. My back reminds me each morning that I need a new mattress and I may be going deaf in one ear. But otherwise, all is good. I'm thinking of writing a concerto. Unfortunately, the only note I can hear is a persistent, incessant E. No jokes- I tested this on my pitch pipe - it is a definate E! I was chatting to my mega-talented musician friend, KARMA, and she told me that a great deal of music is written in the key of E, so that's good, I suppose.

Auditions have started up. I went in for Lost yesterday and have one for 90210 on Monday. Just in case you thought a new year brings new opportunities, I will put your mind to rest. The 90210 character is described as having "a creepy presense". Phew. For a moment there, I bet you thought I'd cracked a normal role.

Must run off now. Gonna be a busy day. Haven't been creepy for a few weeks. Need to brush up. Plus, I have sheet music to buy and a wig to powder...

Keep Smiling Just Don't Let Me Catch You

I like order. Without order, there is chaos. I firmly believe that. It doesn't mean I enjoy setting rules and forcing others to abide by them. (Though I can't abide those that don't) I simply feel - no, KNOW, that my life runs smoother when I have an ordered system in place. Call me anal. You won't be the first.

So I had a good chuckle last week, when faced with this sign: Stop. (Just don't stop.) Ridiculous. You'd think someone would realize the absurdity of a sign telling you to do something that is clearly in direct conflict with another. It's like those wonderful (no) parking signs around LA, which prohibit parking during certain times without a permit. Then there's another sign which limits your stay during the times you don't need a permit. And yet another another sign which prevents you from parking at ANY time.

Now I understand that the Traffic Department can change it's mind. What I can't understand is why Joe Maintenance Man leaves all the previous signs up, when he posts the new one that makes them all redundant!

Speaking of rule compliance, why is it that the police (and traffic police) don't have to abide by the very rules they enforce? This week I watched a patrol car narrowly avoid running over a cyclist, because the officer was pulling forward and attempting to make a right turn from the left lane AND while the light was red. No siren, no flashing lights. Just one nearly dead cyclist.

Regularly I see cop cars parked at expired meters outside coffee shops, while parking police park in the red or (my pet peeve), turn randomly without signalling. I want to print my own traffic tickets and issue them to cops. That'll teach them. Naturally, I'll be on my bike in order to make a swift and sneaky getaway.

Unless I get run down by a cop, of course.

Dogs And Cats Living Together

I've been wondering how the credit crunch is going to affect things on the ground. I'm not retiring anytime soon and I'd be lying if I said I had big investments to worry about. So, what changes can I expect in my life?

Well, if the State Treasurer is to be believed, a great many. Apparently, in addition to being $1b in debt for the first quarter of this fiscal year, California will run out of cash on the 29th. That's right. In less than 3 weeks, the State will lose the ability to pay its bills. As I understand it, that means all State-run agencies will cease to function, either immediately or within weeks. No public transport (like there is any), no trash removal, no cops, no nurses, no water, no electricity, no traffic lights, no elevators. As Bill Murray put it in Ghostbusters: "dogs and cats living together".

On the upside, there won't be any parking cops, either. That means I can park anywhere and ignore the meter. Woohoo! Who cares if I can't bathe and have to climb 8 flights to see my agent? I can park in the loading zone all day and no-one can stop me.

Sure, there'll be gunfights in the street, robberies on horseback, Rodeo Drive will burn and I'll be knee deep in sewage. But I'll be happy. Like Cool Hand Luke, I'll be smiling...